day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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