Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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