WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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