I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
