i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
