remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
