glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
