I can text with my tongue
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
