can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
