I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
