y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I cannot find my penis.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
