gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
