i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
