My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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