I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
