all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
