bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
