i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
