it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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