I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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