dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
