I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
