She's JV to your varsity
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
