Umm I'm too high to move.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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