Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
