I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
