The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
