OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
