do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
