god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
