Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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