why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
