Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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