I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
