do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
