trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
