Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
