Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
