But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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