Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
