I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
