We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
