not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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