my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
