Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
