Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
