69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
