from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The struggles of a small town man whore
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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