These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
