At least make sure they are 18
Why
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
