; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
