Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
