dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i think i just lost a toe
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
