he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
