mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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