So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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