He told me they were just razor bumps!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
