U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
